Are You a Disciplinarian or a Bully?

I'm sure that most of you will agree that children will test your patience and your gangsta. The ones that can potentially drive you the most insane tend to be small children. From toddler age, and for the rest of their lives for that matter, these little people will stress you out. For the sake of this topic, let's focus on small children from about the age of 3-10 yrs old. From dealing with excessive whining and not wanting to share with others, to flat out meltdowns in public, these little people can be challenging to manage at times. They will often take you to the brink of frustration...if you let them.

I was blessed with patience, but even my patience can run thin at times. From working full time, running businesses, outside obligations with the church, or other organizations, we as parents can wear ourselves thin. I haven't even mentioned managing a household and keeping up with the kids' extracurricular activities. Moms and dads are exhausted!

When it comes to discipline, you have to be consistent, firm, and both parents HAVE to be on the same page. Although it's challenging, you have to have a fair balance of fear and respect from your child. You are molding a little person, and you want to make sure they know right from wrong as they progress in age.

Can I be real here? I have a really awful temper. This is the reason that I mostly try to remain calm in stressful situations. I have to be really careful because once my patience has run out, I can become a monster. I have been accused of being "too laid back" etc. I have been told that I need to be sterner with my son. My parenting style has been compared to others. I have my moments that I am stern with Carter. I just don't feel the need to be this way at all times at the age he is in. That's just me, take it, or leave it...

I am not a parenting expert, as I am learning on the fly here. I just don't like who I become when I lose my temper with him. The times I have yelled, or talked really harshly to him, or had to physically correct him, I could tell in his eyes that he was terrified. It wasn't that healthy fear I mentioned earlier. The look he had on his face was that he didn't know if I was going to really harm him. It was at that moment, I could feel that I lost his trust that I would always protect him. I had to reflect on that, and I felt really horrible.

I had to apologize to him for losing my temper. I calmly explained to him that I did not like what he did, or how he was acting at the time. It was crucial to let him know I should not have lost my temper either. This can affect a child's self-esteem, and it can also halt their social development causing withdrawal or not knowing how to connect with others. I am not totally against spanking in some instances, but the message at times becomes that it is acceptable to use aggression to solve a problem.

When I was a child, parents ruled with an iron fist. I lived by the mantra "Kids are to be seen, not heard." Also, I knew to stay out of grown folks business, say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir no sir...etc. I got my fair share of ass whoopings too, don't get it twisted 😂😫. I wasn't a fan of them, so I tried to stay out of trouble for the most part. Most parents try to be better or do things differently from their parents in terms of raising children, especially if they had a negative/traumatic experience.

Again, I know that children need guidance and direction. I have no problem correcting my child or disciplining him where it's appropriate. I know as he gets older and becomes a young man, a lot of my tactics will have to be more aggressive for a lack of a better word. But as of now, I believe it's more about teaching, loving, and correcting behavior than it is about spanking him, yelling, or yanking him up for everything he does wrong. HE'S STILL LEARNING HOW TO BEHAVE. Does this mean his tail won't get tapped when he needs it? No, that's not what I am saying. I know there are areas that I can do a better job in. I just believe that those methods of discipline are more effective if done out of love, not anger, and in moderation.