I Never Met You...But, I love You

I'll put myself out there, I wanted a little girl when I first found out my wife was pregnant over 5 years ago. At this point however, I can't imagine not having my son in my life. He is truly my pride and joy. About a year and a half after he was born, we decided to start trying again. The irony about trying to get pregnant is that it appears to be more challenging than trying to not get pregnant. You have to learn ovulation schedules, the timing has to be right, and if you let it, it can almost become a chore. Fellas, when your woman is ready you have to be ready... LIKE ON SIGHT. Talk about pressure...You'll be like damn, can we talk first? Make sure you have your Hennessy and Viagra concoction ready. She'll start treating you like an object, your ass will be looking like.

After months of trying, I was home one night and I noticed Carter had on a t-shirt that said something like "Future Big Brother, or "Only Child Expiring Soon." I really was not paying attention. I was just like "Hey man, nice shirt." Kori said, that's all you have to say?!?! Then it hit me, I was like what?!?! 🤔 That meant she was pregnant!! 😏 The little spat we had a few minutes before didn't even matter anymore. We were ecstatic, and even more excited because her twin sister was pregnant too, so once again, they would be pregnant together.

Time passed, and of course there were some doctor's appointments she had to check on her health, and the pregnancy. She went to the doctor for an ultrasound, and she noticed that she didn't find a heartbeat. It ended up being a miscarriage. She called me to let me know, and it was devastating to hear. I didn't know how to feel, as I never have experienced that before. I was not sure how to act, or what to do. I also did not know how to take care of her, or how to relate to her. I was extremely sad, but it's different for women. Losing a child brings so many emotions in women and the best thing you can do is be there for them emotionally. Whatever she needs from you my brother, you have to be able and willing to provide. Here is where you need to be proactive.

What pains me, is when we talked and she told me she felt as if I was not there or supportive of her emotionally as I could have been. That was years ago, and I still can feel those words. She ended up having an ectopic pregnancy. This occurs when a fertilized egg grows outside of the uterus. She ended up having to have emergency surgery to get the situation taken care of. This is serious because a woman can lose her life during this procedure. So with that being said, and I'm speaking to myself, your woman needs sincere, and quality emotional support during difficult times. She needs to know that you can stand for her and with her. Emotional support is huge, and if she values and appreciates it, all it does is make your bond stronger.

I think about our baby often actually. She would have been going on 3 yrs old by now. Also, I try to not question God about it. Maybe he saw something we did not see, it's hard to say. It's all about perspective to be honest with you. I never wanted Carter to be an only child. I mean, being an only child is lit because all of the attention and love is all on you. We just always saw us having a girl and a boy. We wanted two children, but God pretty much ALWAYS laughs at your plans.

So many changes have occurred since we experienced this is 2017. I know our baby girl would have been so beautiful. Never say never, but your boy will be 43 in about 4 weeks...so there's that. I already need to have 12 hours of sleep, a day off, and a Red Bull to keep up with Carter, and I don't want to be someone's old ass daddy at graduation.

The other day, I was looking at some of my wife's and I old texts in 2016-2017. We were talking about names and trying to get pregnant and it just brought back all these thoughts. It's amazing and therapeutic when you can confront issues that you still need to heal from. Even though I never saw our baby's face, I still love her the same as if she were here.